Simplify!

Lesley Hazelton says "to quote is to misquote" ahahah! 

But, its so true, words taken out of concept, interrupted, do not necessarily tells us the whole story that is why we feel the urge to start from the begining and walk through the steps. This is why high school girls forward whatsapp conversations. 

Interpretation on the other hand is a whole another story.

You say 'glaciers have melted the sea', I hear 'things gotten closer to the sun'.

There is so much subtext in any conversation that its pretty tricky to hear whats actually being said. It also makes you load your sentences with answers to conversations that have not taken place. Its as if an imaginary conversation is taken place and we just hear some bits. Like we are quoting from those imaginary conversations. Thats why we don't make sense, that's how we complicate stuff.

Interpretation requires a certain knowledge and experience but these are so subjective merits that its almost an oxymoron in itself. 

So why not simplify the shit out of conversations and get rid of the baggage?

I reckon its because we know better. You can go so far with bluntness. People either will want to still interpret your words and write another story or, will not take it good. You know, some people cannot handle straight up truth easily since they are not used to it. So, we maintain a certain level of disguise in our conversations. We interpret what the other party says and garnish our words for that person to peel off the layers and get to the real stuff. 

There is so much tension and it takes so much efforts to communicate that I sometimes want to cut all cords of communication and sit still. Since there is no point in putting an effort to be understood by and to understand one another, I feel like saying 'talk to the hand'.

   

Loyalty

Loyalty is a funny thing which surprizes you most of the time. Sometimes you cannot believe your actions that are undertaken in the name of loyalty and other time the act of loyalty warms your heart.

Loyalty means expectations and expectations are always rough on you. So, why are we loyal again? I guess, to make life further complicated to manage.

Looking one side of the loyalty concept where you devote yourself to a certain concept; a brand, a friend, a school of thought..something..anything..

You must believe that there is a gain at the end of the deal so that you bet on this. You are loyal to a brand because you believe that the brand gives you something you want/need. But this assumption of future gain actually puts you in expectation of a not-promised gain. And expectations..they are rough.
Loyalty clouds your judgement and messes with your rationality. A. you no longer actively judge the value of the gain- if you're still getting it, B. you tend to not evaluate the rest of the things you're losing/missing out on.
It must be quite hard on a rational person so we tend to lose our rational as we become more loyal.

Expectations have the possibility to fail you. That's why I hate to find myself in the expectation of something. It doesn't matter how often the expectations cause a disappointment. Disappointment is always disappointment regardless of its nature, frequency and scale. So, why bother developing potential bombs (expectatiaons), why be loyal?

On the other side of the coin, lies the satisfying moment of being the person to be loyal to. Maybe its the superfreaky human nature that develops a sick bond between being loyal and been loyal to, as a result people wanting to be loyal to feel the loyalty hunger in themselves. At the end, we are a kind that has professionalized in justifying stupid actuvity in absence of certain other things. Or may be, loyalty will be an era like mass production that we study in marketing courses where we say "after that, custimization era started and changed many things in the industry".

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Change is refreshing

Boşuna tebdil-i mekanda ferahlık vardır demiyorlar, change is really refreshing and uplifting. 

..

Somedays, you just have to drag ourselves into out off the bed and off to a meeting room. You know that nothing is wrong with that meeting, and it in fact might be useful to a certain extend but you just can't bear the thought of carrying yourself that far. It was one of those days. But it all turned out well. 

Professionally, today's big meeting was quite fruitfull but it was even more fruitfull personally. Seeing people from your past is a weird thing. Hope it always feels this good.  

It always gives you a chance to glance over the years that passed by and where you've ended up. You remember how things felt then and compare to how they feel at the moment. Better hope you've not lost your perspective and over-reacted. It's hard to snap out of the moment's captiveness and see the bigger picture to take back the control.

In the daily rat race, you don't pause and spontaneously appreciate the moment and take a step back to get perspective. You need change to do that. That's the beauty of change; gives you a new perspective hence the refreshing feeling. You need to do things differently, you need the change on a daily basis. Otherwise, you'll get lost. You need to exploit every opportunity that could bring you some good-quality change.

Change on a professional level is more than necessary on a daily basis. You need it almost every other hour! Listening to the dynamics of another industry was a great mental gymnastic today. I realized why i loved the marketing courses at uni. I liked the idea of changing topics every other week and studying different cases. 

It feels like a splash of cold water in your face.   

p.s. change is good, embrace it

Travel often: getting lost will help you find yourself - Amsterdam Reloaded

Travel often: getting lost will help you find yourself - Amsterdam reloaded

It's fascinating, it's calming you down, it's the right dose of quiet and noise that you need to concentrate on pure nothing.  

Pleasent redefined(!)

Enjoy the show!

It's an undersea experience in the morning

It's a different undersea experience in the evening

Beauty is in..the looks or the eye of the be holder?

To all my colleagues who repeatedly comment on how i look,

i would like to point out that, there is no correlation between how nice of a work i produce and how nice of a look i have. its not like when i am on high heels i see the bigger picture more clearly. i so don't need to look serious let alone act serious in order for my work to be serious. - i see how motivational it can be to suit up but when you suit up at 6.30 am, you replace more than 50% of the motivation with sleep deprevation. so what's the point?

i am quite a colorful person and possibly due to the excess color in me, i don't feel the urge to color myself up specially in the mornings. and i know how society's standards/expectations are way more colored, thank you very much, but i simply am not disturb by the paleness. i can't be bothered to play the artist and put together a master piece that early in the morning. i can assure you though, i prepare very colorful charts and graphs in so very colorful presentations. stop asking me whether i am sick coz i look so pale, lady! i freaking am pale by nature and i am fine with it. learn it already and keep your judgement to yourself. and men, do us a favor and stop being so conscious of those stuff.

i have to admit though i am fascinated by how good of a job other ladies do. some of them just beat . i just don't have it in me but i salute yours.

but guys, you all need to chill a little. trust me, i'll do a good job 1.60 cm, make-up free, casually dressed.


p.s. my work's beauty is not subjective. it sometimes can be scientifically proven and be beautiful. only "i" don't look good all the time.

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Create a job for yourself

till then, you just have to suck it up and get to work at 8 am.

Some days, they just start (&end) better than others

Some days, are simply better than others. You wake up (preferably 5 min before the alarm) naturally and you feel rested. You don't obsess about the errands you need to run while waiting for your morning coffee. At that very moment, one should pause and think: its a better day!

You eat healthy that day and may be exercise a little. - exercise may be in terms of taking the stairs instead of the elevator or you go to the gym during lunch. You finish up the 3-meetings-in-a-row run before you know it. Towards the end of the working hours, if you feel like you've completed 80% of your to-dos and you have no emergencies to handle you should feel lucky. 

And if you are so priviledged like me, you may get the chance to play with your mates and laugh a little at the end of the day. When you joke around with your boss and collegues and don't feel stuck in your cubicle. You should take a longer pause and think: it was a better day!

So, appreciate it!

       

What are the freaking odds lan?

Its an absurd sunday. Not even a tiny bit relaxing nor entertaining but an absurd sunday. Kept talking to myself "what are the freaking odds lan?". Its funny how you realize your own patterns and they are shockingly consistent, so perfect for a pattern that, as if its a straight line. 

I found all the interesting things in all the unexpected places with a certain date-tag on them. I just didn't realize until this very sunday which turned out to be quite absurd. I over-freaking-analyze everything but it turns out that its a misconcentration of my energy. Hah! Shit happens..

You're supposed to be somewhat aware of yout first times right? Coz, your memory serves at best on vertexes.Typically, a 1st time of something (assuming the event has importance to you in some sense) its either a good or a bad memory but its always a more significant piece of memory than others. So, why am I not fully aware of the things surrounding a couple of very big firsts of mine? wtf? I must examine.     

It may be a sign of my ignorance and consumption without pausing for a proper moment and think. I can hear GKS saying "Saaaad!".

Realizing my first ofns and the one who clearly doesn't know the meaning of ofns share the same date was hilarious.

Further exploring, I found many other stuff tied together. 


I like reading that girl. I don't usually read girls. Not that I'm politically opposed to or they are rare, its just like Berilate says "the way I are". But I like reading her stuff. Bizarre enough, I always see the lines to connect. But clearly, I was looking but not seeing through. 


As I grasp the gravity of the situation, I couldn't help but "accidentally" saw something else. Forget bizarre, forget peculiar. This is goddamn straight absurd! Very first and evidentally the only proper ofnf share the same date with the king of the right one. 

     

Dates? no dates, colors, stories, not even attitudes, proved to be worthy of my attention before. But, I sure have a pattern. 

First you go like "what are the odds?" then you calculate the odds and find out that this is a time of realization that will stick with you for a good amount of time. Remember the last instance where you realized something? Sure! Quite interestingly, realization is a vivid process. You literally take a step out, see the bigger picture from the top and have a certain feeling of "aaa-ha" possibly accompanied with some either disturbing or rewarding feelings. Then the experience stick with you for good. Its like a roller coster ride. You remember the chill (not so vividly all the time but still always do) when you think of the experience or see something similar. - coz its easy to recognize. 

Soi, realizing the absurdness of this sunday will stick around with its possibly (in the long run) insignificant  learnings.

İyi güldük ama be!

       

All the fucks I don't have

I am particularly indifferent today. It may be cause of the relapse of drama back in my life or oldies but goldies run over the weekend. On a second thought, it may be cause of all the partying. I might not be getting "old" in a general sense where you value 40 as the golden years but my metabolism begs to differ. Anyway, I am so not here today. 

 

I literally forced myself out of the bed. "Force" here, my friends, is not used in the sense of Star Wars' force but in a more like a pushing the heavy, suffocating 'morning in bed' temptation with full of regrets. I was expecting to feel like I accomplished a huge deal when I arrived at the office with just 30 min delay, but no, I couldn't find a single fuck to give. It didn't matter whether I fullfilled my responsibilities or not. 

   

Now, right after lunch, which took 10 min since I can't even be bothered to chew anything so I only had soup, please all of you come over here and look at all the fuck I give in terms of performance indicators, end-to-end analysis and the total big picture. You cannot imagine the immensity of indifference I have today. Its enough for all the monthly reports, weekly updates and year-end reviews.

i lost my juju, i am bored

As i get off work by 10 pm, i realized i became the most boring version of me. i cancel ski trips due to business reviews, i can't make plans which would require a whole week of vacation, i can't even get a hair cut during the week since no hair saloon is open after 9 and more importantly i don't do anything new on the weekends because i just can't be bothered to(!)
its not that work sucks the life out of me, work can even be energizing since i have good company to play with but i just simply lack the motivation to amaze myself. i just can't be bothered to get out of bed and out of the apartment. i even can't get out of the same application coz i just don't have the urge to explore more.
i stopped asking questions a couple of weeks ago. i am so not interested in the world. my interest and eagerness to explore so than know more have disappeared. one day i woke up and i was alone. its like as if they made plans and exclueded me or i wasn't invited to the same party and simply was left alone at home.
i lost my juju :S
i need that spark of interest and eagerness back in me. i am just not into the world anymore but since i bothered to write about it, its a good sign.
it depresses ne. i am so bored with this whole dull version of my world that i literally am sad.
i reckon it can be a symptom of corporate infection but nevertheless i need to get it over with. i am seriously bored.
i remembered steve jobs talking about the need to change something after waking up for so many consecutive days and feeling unfullfilled. i reckon this satisfies the criteria.
Let the search for change to find some interest in life begin!

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