Oh, grow up already!

Grow up and look good. 

What's the point of maturing anyway? 

You feel the urge to pull your shit together and get on with life because you don't want to feel like a failure when you look back in a few years. And you can no longer wash a hangover off of your face with some organic soap and mild pharmaceuticals you bought when you were high.

Classically, you claim you no longer get wasted. You are too old for that shit. You only drawn youself in your misery on special occasions like your best friend's bachelor's. 

The one and only good side of growing up is that you're supposed to like yourself even more. You have spent enough time to know and just be fascinated by yourself. Please please, have some self-respect by now and don't let people hurt you in any way. 

For that, you actually need to know how to say "no". I know, it's a pain in the ass. 

They say, "when you are younger, you equate love with mind games, manipulation, and experiencing insane high and lows.". But you've grown up and besides, you have disappointed in yourself and so many others so many times before. So now, you find relationships boring, emotions doomed-to-end and feelings dull.

You may be critical of claimed love stories and people getting married to show themselves that they are worthy of being loved and you find it somewhat pathetic, you don't have walk of shames on saturday mornings. You'd rather iHome on Fridays, may be, have a friend over. You do not need diamonds and glitter to be poured all over you to shine. And you certainly don't need to be the centre of the world for a day because you had been loved way too much for that crazy shit since you were a child. But you don't hook up with random strangers. Remember, you had developed self-respect on paragraph four!

With growing up here comes the strings attached. You need to actually go to the gym twice a week and let everyone know that. You cook and you're proud of it way too bluntly. Save up money just to go on overseas trips but always have some more on the side to invest. Yes, you've heard me. You need to put your financial consultant hat on and plan your alleged future and acknowledge the world's problems. You can stay irrelevant to world's calendar because you know bank credits, exchange rates and weather forecasts for at least 3 countries. 

Besides travel, you need to have a very mature and fullfilling hobby. All admirable grown ups have a cool hobby. Say it's photography, wine tasting or horse riding it needs to be a little expensive and requires an enterance criteria. It's always better if the hobby requires you to wear special gear like snowboarding or kitesurf. You can always be a research junkie and write your blog, too.